My wallet is thick. So thick that I've decided it's the reason for my lower back discomfort. In fact, I'm certain that someone, somewhere, some time ago, told me that studies have shown that the curvature of the spine caused by excessively thick wallets causes damage. Sometimes irreparable!
Naturally, I'd like to say that it's thick with cash, but, rather, I must admit a weakness of mine (perhaps even a disorder listed in the DSM): the hording, or at least collecting, of business cards. In every other aspect of my life I quickly get rid of excess, proudly calling myself a "minimalist." But for some reason I have difficulty discarding these inconspicuous little back-breakers.
To thumb through them, at least for me, is more than just entertainment. As that dreadful clique says, it's a walk down memory lane. There are cards from consignment store owners and foundation founders. Cards reminding me of appointments with doctors and therapists and case-workers and clients. Professional psychics, life coaches, lawyers and small business counselors are all represented on paper and held close to my... But, that's not all they represent, in fact, I think more than the person whose name is printed, these cards represent me. They're kind of like pieces of a gig-saw puzzle, when assembled a two dimensional picture of me will emerge.
But, really. Two dimensional? What a boring, non-enticing, unprovocative phrase! Who would chose a two-dimensional film when offered those funny glasses and tickets to a 3-D. What I did or who I saw on a certain day shows only the surface. From this pile of business cards one could easily ascertain that in recent years I've paid a few visits to mental health therapists and sought guidance from a tea-leaf-reading psychic, but missing are my personal experiences along with feelings and emotions that more accurately define my identity. So a better way to show who I am, inside and out, is what I'm looking for. I'm inviting suggestions and ideas.
Here's one. Several weeks ago, I attended a Life Skills class taught by the Megan Sillito (http://geniuscommunitynest.com/) From that, my mind keeps returning to an exercise where she invited us to recall past experiences when we felt real joy, authentic self-acceptance, a sense of well-being. And, I'd like to add one more: calm focus in the midst of what appears to be chaos. In other words Who am I when I am at my best? Descriptive phrases and adjectives about me, in those moments, where then written down. What began to appear was another picture of who I really am, a three-dimensional "portrait."
Memories flooded my mind: my father's death when I had made the decision to simply allow, without judgment, my sadness to find expression; the births of Cody, Hillary and Alec, when the muscles in my face ached because they had been so vigorously and proudly affixed a smiled on my face. I remembered feelings of accomplishment at graduation and at loosing almost 100 pounds; exhilaration at running naked with friends through Liberty Park. And, I remembered the day, after weeks of painful experiences surrounding coming out, when I knew I was going to be okay. Here, listed randomly, is what emerged from these memories:
- Kind
- I look for similarities rather than differences
- I love and care about children
- Mindful of one-ness and Buddha nature
- Sensual
- Sexy
- Honest
- Funny, even nerdy if it results in a hearty guffaw (Laughter heals the soul.)
- Flirtatious
- Creative. (I believe creating "things," whether that be children or a new and improved recipe for banana's flambe, is how we connect with the divine within ourselves.)
- Adventurous
- Courageous
- Tenacious (sometimes ridiculously pig-headed)
- Expressive
- Two-spirited (I have no reservations about honoring both my masculine and feminine energy.)
- Unassuming
- Spiritual
- Proud father
- Progressively positive thinker
- Mindful of body, mind, spirit connection
So, now what? I've decided that the above list of "characteristic business cards" is a more valid representation. Therefore, I'm cutting index cards in half and writing these adjectives on them. With the exception of the card that reminds of an upcoming appointment with my doctor, I'm throwing the old away and replacing them with the new ones: Who I am, when I'm at my best.
