Celebrating Jennifer

(Read at Jennifer's funeral, July 25, 2012)

It is such an honor for me to speak at Jennifer’s memorial, the celebration of her life, her willingness to love and the laughter and joy she brought into our lives. It’s my belief that Jennifer is with us right now, and it is my intention that my words leave her with an awareness of our gratitude and affection for her.

I have had the pleasure of being close  with Jen since the day she was born. Someone asked me about my fondest memory of her. Perhaps my fondest is also my first. When the twins were born they had to spend some time under funky ultra-violate lights. Melanie would feed them and love on them and then immediately they’d go back under the lights. Jennifer would only sleep with her butt straight up in the air, which I thought was funny enough. But, one day I saw Jessica staring blankly at Jen’s butt, which she had managed to put right in front of her face.  I laughed out loud. I also remember hearing her make a purring sound when she slept, earning her the nickname Purr, by her mother.

Personally, I think funerals suck. I know there are very important reasons for having them, but I don’t like them. I’ve done a little research on the origins of funerals. Turns out that primitive humans—with our lack of knowledge and understanding about the human body, the cycles of life and death, and the process of decay—lived in fear for their impending death. In many cultures, the sight of a corpse was a very bad omen and something to run from. Most primitive humans also had strong beliefs in spirituality and beliefs in God or Gods or other beings capable of creation, capable of sending blessings to the humans, and capable of causing death and destruction. Understanding that, it’s been easy for anthropologists to find lots of evidence showing that rites, or ceremonies, were developed to either placate or please the Gods and wart off any more of their rath on us helpless human creatures. And, that, is how the modern day funeral came into existence.

I prefer the concept of a celebration; a tribute and honoring of a person’s life. A celebration would, I believe, honor the cycles of life and death, health and illness, youthfulness and not-so-youthful and instill and reinforce in us a more profound sense of respect for these cycles, rather than fear of them. Celebrations of life also fit more appropriately with my belief in the principles of NON-DUALITY. At the risk of sounding like a pot-smoking hippy from the sixties,  let me just say that non-duality is the belief that WE ARE ALL ONE. Many of our worlds cultures believe in the principles of non-duality which reminds them that they are not here, while God is there. Or, that you and I are different and separate. Non-duality says that we are united with each other--and with God, whether that be a Heavenly Father, the Great Spirit of the Universe, or our Mother Earth—like a wave is a part of the ocean. When a wave gives way to gravity and falls back into the sea, it doesn't cease to exist; it simply changes form and units with its source until another opportunity presents itself to dance again in the sunlight. Like I mentioned before, I believe Jennifer is still with us, she has not ceased to exist, she simply has changed form. She still contemplates and feels. She still laughs and loves. And, she probably still purrs.

That being said, there are four attributes of Jennifer’s that I absolutely love. I'd like to briefly touch on and honor those today. I'm entirely confident we all have personal experiences with her that serve as examples of these attributes. 

The first is her big smile, her wacky sense of humor and her contagious laugh.

(Put on goofy glasses)

When Jennifer was a child, if I felt sad or depressed, one thing I could do to make myself feel better was to make Jen laugh. Her laughter was contagious. I laughed at her laugh, which would make her laugh more, giving me yet more reason to laugh myself.

Some of you have envelopes taped to the bottom of your seats. Please get those and if your says “Big Smile” please open it and join me in wearing these goofy glasses in honor of Jen's laughter.

Thank you Jennifer for the memory of your awesomely contagious laugh, your corky sense of humor and your big beautiful smile.

Next is her generosity.  

A few years ago, when she lived in Logan, Jen and I spent a lot of time together. That was during a period of my life when I didn't have much, materially, Emotionally and spiritually I was pretty bankrupt also. If I needed something and Jen had it, she offered it to me without thought or reservation. And, no matter how she felt physically, no matter what condition her self-esteem may have been that day, she always spoke with love and kindness. 

Some of you have envelops that read “Generosity.” Inside you’ll find chocolates, more than one, mind you. Your task now is to share the chocolate with those around you. In honor of Jennifer’s generosity, make certain that everyone gets one, including those people with whom to share may NOT be convenient or comfortable. For example, some are labeled “diabetic,” On a little more emotion level, some are labeled “Not like me; different culture, lifestyle or beliefs,” and some are labeled “Never met before.” Look around the room and share with everyone your abundance. While you do so, please offer a small word of kindness, a compliment or an appreciation.

(pause…allow for sharing.)

Next is her Rebel.

Jennifer was indeed a rebellious one at times; she was a rule-breaker; she was an envelope pusher. Often to the breaking point she pushed that envelop! However, I believe the term “rebel” has been terribly mis-understood. Europeans came to this country in effort to rebel. I’m pretty confident that, if not the Bishop, at least the janitors of this building do not encourage the eating of chocolate in the chapel. (That being said, please put any wrappers in the envelops they came from.)

And, Lastly, is Jennifer’s Spirituality and her childlike open-mindedness.

Will those of you with the remaining envelops please open them. Inside you’ll find candles, symbolic of the pure light of Jennifer’s spirit and the open mindedness that guided her through some of life’s most painful experiences. If I can maintain my composure, I’d like to read a text conversation between she and I. On May 15, two months ago, I received a text from her that read,

 "Uncle, I have a crazy question, but I won’t ask it unless you give your word you won’t tell anyone.” (Don’t hate me Jennifer, but I’m actually gonna tell everyone.)

"Ok.” I said.

“Do you believe in heaven?” she asked. “I've been trying to come to grips with being sober, and , so much of what I have thought—through my whole life—has me so confused!”

A pause from the texts, and then: “It seems I don’t know how to be sober real well, but, one day at a time! It’s just so sad to think about my sisters. You know? And so many people say there is no Heaven. No Heaven! I just hope there is a good place! But what do you believe uncle?”

A longer pause on my end, before my reply:  “Absolutely! Absolutely I believe in Heaven. But, Jennifer, it’s not a place where we go after we die.   It’s a STATE OF MIND. Your sisters are right here with you, and, their state of mind, whether they are at peace with themselves or not, is what determines if they are in heaven.”

Her response came quickly, showing how easily she cultivates faith and how open her mind is to matters of the spirit:  “Thank you so so so much" she said.  "That helps me a lot.”

Jennifer...thank you for your beautiful example of generosity. Next time I’m asked by someone considered different, or the “other” for some spare change or a dollar to two, I’ll think of you and I’ll share what I have, and I’ll try set aside any judgments and do it with a smile and a kind word. Thank you for your rebellious side that reminds us that to stand for something--or someone --is not always an act of defiance, but often an act of courage. And, Jennifer, thank you for the childlike curiosity and open mindedness, it is truly your spiritual path, and it serves as a sublime reminder that, just like a wave is part of the ocean,  we are, indeed, ALL ONE.

Amen.