Lucky Penny

It's with a lot of mixed emotion that I post this poem, written by my son. On the heels of so much talk about my addiction, it seems appropriate that his experiences be honored and validated too. Cody has been given many gifts; among them is his ability--and willingness--to share what is in his heart. He wants to heal the world with his compassionate weaving of words. It's my prayer that poems like this one help him to heal first.


Lucky Penny

I was eleven years old when I realized
That the sun does not rise or set
More like the earth perpetually falls around it
The feeling of being very small took my breath away
With the intensity
Of being microscopic on a giant rock
Hurtling through space

When I was twelve
I slaved summer evenings
Filling my shoes with the severed arms
Of grass blades
Slave driver sunrays lashed the skin of my bare back
Into sheets of copper
Come summers end
I squeezed my shoulder blades together
And cried for mercy
Two lucky pennies fell from between them
Heads up
I had heard that god laughs in lucky pennies
So he must have been listening to my innocent pleas for help
The next day
I traded one of those pennies in for my freedom
A lime green Gameboy Color
For the next ten months
All I wanted to do
Was catch monsters
In balls

When I was thirteen
My father decided it was time
To have the “growing up” talk
The one about the hair growing like weeds in all these weird places
The one about the birds and the bees
And how incredibly irrelevant birds and bees are to human sexuality
The one about how he was addicted to drugs
But was doing better now
When I asked to see his arms
He pretended he didn’t hear me
This was a part of “growing up”

When I was fourteen
My Gameboy Color collected dust in the corner of my room
Along with one last lucky penny from god
I had stopped believing in him
Around the same time I stopped catching monsters in balls
This was when our roles switched

Father
Did you know that the earth is supposed to revolve around the son
Not the son revolve around the earth?
I have realized that the earth is perpetually falling
But kept in motion by the gravity of the son
If it is my love that you gravitate to
I will pull so hard
Your planet will be incinerated
But know that I am growing up and can not always be there for you
So if you could bring back atlas
Surgically remove his legs and arms
Attach yours and stand on your on two feet for a while
I will take a much needed rest from mine

When I was sixteen
They caught a 5’8, two hundred pound monster in a ball
People look at drug addicts like monsters and disregard the real issues
So I knew my father for the majority of my teenage life
Behind a hazy glass screen and a speaker
Kind of like my Gameboy
My video game father
But I was not there catching monsters
I was there seeing the man who taught me to love unconditionally despite everything we have been through
Who told me the beauties about sex when no one else would
Who gave me the best advice I have ever received
Who made me the man I am today

I am twenty years old
Sold my game boy six years ago
Melted down that last lucky penny from god
Replaced the ink in my pen with liquid copper and wrote this poem
I hear that god laughs in lucky pennies
I think its about to start raining dad
Grab a basket
Heads up

--Cody Winger